When Coast to Coast AM doesn't keep my interest, or when static prevents me listening, I will turn on the television in search of entertainment. At 3 AM, the only programming options are infomercials and news rebroadcasts. However, every so often, I am gifted with a late-night matinee of some of the worst direct-to-video movies that the station could afford. Here is one such example:

"US Seals II: The Ultimate Force" - Directed by Isaac Florentine (2001)

When the movie began, I was glad to see that they were playing an action film, as opposed to the romantic/dramas that are usually aired in the early-morning time slot. With the title "US Seals II: The Ultimate Force," I was expecting an overly-patriotic, pro-war film with hundreds of faceless enemies being slain by an elite team of ultimate badasses--boy was I wrong. Despite the name, "US Seals II" has surprisingly few Navy Seals in it. In fact, of the two they show (yeah, that's right...two), one is the movie's maniacal antagonist.

A plot with this many holes is dangerous. A rogue Navy Seal, Ratliff (Damian Chapa) kidnaps a renowned nuclear physicist. She is taken to an island that was formally used by the Russian military for hydrogen bomb testing--which, for some reason, left the surrounding atmosphere with a dangerously high amount of methane gas. Because a single spark could destroy the entire island, the rescue mission is lead by kung-fu trained, former Navy Seal, Casey (Michael Worth). He assembles a team consisting of a knife expert, and chain-swinging expert, and a guy that uses an acid-shooting paintball gun. Together, they kick heads and clash swords (despite the risk of creating a spark) to save the free world from nuclear attack.

Far from the action film I was expecting, "US Seals II" (despite its original intentions) would be best described as a comedy. The dialogue and acting are so poor and cheesy, one cannot help but chuckle. The opening fight sequence, alone, is comic genius. It consists of a confusing gunfight with unnecessary back-flipping and a rocket launcher that appears out of nowhere.

It felt like director Isaac Florentine was trying to emulate classic kung-fu movies--that, or make fun of them; it's hard to tell. Every time someone moves their head or swings an arm, they play this annoying whooshing noise. And, as I stated above, this movie has a deplorably large amount of unnecessary acrobatics. Characters will choose to perform a triple front-flip to clear a low-lying obstacle, as opposed to the obvious, stepping over it, approach.

If you can enjoy truly bad cinema, or are some kind of sadist that prefers not to have a good time, then "US Seals II: The Ultimate Force" is for you. However, I'm sure you will be hard-pressed to even find this movie. Don't be outraged if your local movie rental store doesn't have it--because, quite frankly, I wouldn't blame them.

Rating: 1/5

If you must see "US Seals II," it is available at Amazon.com (Here).