On things that don't suck
So I watched the 1986 James Cameron Sci-fi action/horror classic Aliens the other day, for what's probably nearing the one hundredth time... and no, I'm not just saying that. In all honesty, I have probably seen Aliens nearly one hundred times. For a while, watching it was almost ritualistic--popping in my tape recorded off of Pay Per View maybe 1 or 2 times a week.
I have come to the very real conclusion that Aliens is not only the greatest movie ever made, but also the greatest thing ever made. The scale goes something like this:
To this effect, I gave a 17.5 minute speech on Aliens and how it is the greatest of all time back in a High School English class. And despite the teacher taking points away for length, what really chapped my ass was how few of my classmates had seen Aliens. It's a crying shame, if you ask me. A crime against nature, even.
So way is Aliens so great? Do you really want me to list all 198,000 reasons? Here, I'll give you just one, and it's a doozy. You see, despite the 'hive ambush' scene only lasting a few minutes, and with only 6 total alien costumes to use for filming, everyone I know that remembers this scene recalls a huge swarm of aliens and a massive gunfight. However, if you play the movie muted, and with subtitles, you'll realize James Cameron, the master of cool, has duped you in what is probably one of the best examples of quality over quantity.
I mean, come on! Everything about this movie screams fraking awesome. The sets, the costumes, the props (including the greatest of all movie weapons, the M41a Pulse Rifle--with an over-under, pump-action grenade launcher and 10mm explosive tip caseless, standard light-armour piercing rounds...why?)...it all culminates into, well, the best.
Even now that it's nearly 20 years old, some of the effects shots in this movie are still crazy good. Made in an age before CGI nearly ruined film, Aliens actually has sets, and real explosions, and doesn't suck. Something I think George Lucas needs to look into for Star Wars. Because even though some of the scale model shots may be showing their age, I will forgive any noticeable model over poorly done, lazy CGI. And as far as spaceships go, give me a model filmed over a space backdrop any day.
What has saddened me in writing this, however, is the realization of horrible truth. Hollywood has indeed run out of ideas. First they started remaking comedies, no big deal there. Then some of John Carpenter's stuff was 'modernized.' I was outraged, yes, but I don't hold Carpenter quite up to Cameron. Then came the bombshell that Dawn of the Dead would be remade, while George A. Romero is still alive, and while he is making a sequel to his Dawn of the Dead. Wrong on oh so many levels, Hollywood has begun to remake what many consider the all-time classics of sci-fi/horror cinema.
Rumored to be in the works are remakes for Day of the Dead, The Thing, RoboCop (Why dammit!?! WHY!?!), and Predator, of all things. All of my most cherished childhood memories are soon to be butchered in a theatre near you. I pray only that the year 2012 brings some kind of paradigm shift in crappy remakes.
In summation, I deplore you, go watch Aliens before someone the likes of Paul WS Anderson gets a hold of it. The truth must live on.
Greatest chart ever. Had me laughing for a long time.
Still havnt seen it :(
Stop whatever it is you are doing, shoes, and go watch Aliens. It is step 1 on the road to being cool.
hate remakes? hmm... you liked king kong though.... haha!!send me a friend request on xbox live, my gamertag is mintshroom, later brunzilla, and i agree with your "aliens: best thing ever made" graph, nice.
Remakes that I like: King Kong, Battlestar Galactica, Night of the Living Dead...and, well...that's about it.
first of all, if done right a day of the dead remake would rock, and second of all, i totally wanna see the night of the living dead remake but i cant find it anywhere and tom savini>God
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