Review: The Simpsons Movie
Rated PG-13 for some mild language, animated violence, and Bart Simpson's wang.

For as long as I care to remember, The Simpsons has been a part of my life. Through just about all of my public school experience, I could always count on the iconic yellow family to cheer me up during dinner each night. With such emotional attachment to the characters and nearly two decades of production, however, The Simpsons movie, for some fans, will be judged with nigh unattainable standards.

Well, as far as this long-time fan is concerned...I loved it.

My concern going into it was whether or not the tone and comedic style would more resemble the early, golden years of the show or rather the newer (i.e. less funny) seasons. I was pleased to find that the former was indeed the case. With a strong--albeit goofy--main plot, the laughs come primarily from the Simpson's paternal ne'er-do-well and Springfield's enormous cast of fan-favorite background characters.

Though I'm not sure "laughs" is the best word to use to describe The Simpsons Movie. It's funny, don't get me wrong, but like the best episodes of the series, the real comedy comes from remembering the gags and one-liners later, reciting them amongst friends in (in)appropriate situations. It's more of a chuckler the first time you see it, leaving you in a near constant state of gigglyness rather than outright belly laughing.

For fans of The Simpsons (which, as far as I know, is just about everyone), seeing this at the theater is a no-brainer. An impressive amount of recurring characters and locations from the show can be found hiding in each frame, so there should be plenty for those Comic Book Guy fanboys to stay busy pointing them out on their message boards. Also, the movie includes a few 4th wall breaking moments in which Homer makes fun of the audience for paying money to see something they can get "for free on TV."

18 years was a long time to wait, but I dare say it was worth it. In writing this review, I tried to come up with ways in which this movie could have been better. I was unable to think of anything. In fact, for what's its worth, this is the funniest thing bearing the Simpsons name that I've seen in many years.

Oh, and don't forget to stay during the credits. I think we can all assume a sequel is in the works.

Rating: 5 / 5

Tags: Review

Ever wondered what you would look like if Matt Groening, the cartoon genius behind The Simpsons, made you a characateur?

Well, you're in luck. 20th Century Fox and Burger King have come up with some super-technical face mapping software to do just that. All you need to do it submit a frontal picture of yourself in at least 640 x 480 resolution and the website will do the rest.

To top things off, it also lets you customize your expression, clothing, and add Simpsons inspired backgrounds behind your yellow visage. And if you felt so inclined, you can even have it printed on gift items like mugs and such.

Once again, Burger King delivers in the advertising department. The possibilities for greatness here are immense. I haven't tried submitting any celebrity or non-human photos yet, but you can rest assured that I'm working on it.

(Also note, the above image is my Simpsons self...not too shabby. They captured my awkward smile and lack of a chin perfectly)

Website: Simpsonizeme.com

Labels: Funny, Internet, Movies

If you like this current theme, I suggest you take a few pictures while you still can.

Labels: DVD, Ghosts, Movies, Paranormal, UFOs, Video Games

The K-Files - Welcome to Earth

I found myself watching Roland Emmerich's Independence Day for what was probably the 28th time the other day. As the Fresh Prince so masterfully defended the Earth with his sass mouth and funky dance moves, I couldn't help but feel sorry for all of the aliens out there.

I couldn't care less about those ID4 aliens--they just had to travel those 90 billion light years to start a big fight and ruin everyone's July 4th BBQ's. No, they definitely got what was coming to them. But for all those other, you know...'good' aliens in the universe, I fear first contact might go down less Close Encounters and more straight-up, street-smart all-American ass whooping--complete with boards. Boards with nails in them.

Poor guys. They'll never even see it coming...Full Article.

The K-Files - Punnett Strikes Back

Let me start off by expressing my enthusiasm as of late.

You see, for the past months, I found myself depressed over the fact I was unable to listen to Ian Punnett's spin-off stunt Coast to Coast Live. My work shifts until midnight on Saturdays had me getting in my car just in time to hear Ian sign off from what was probably a damn entertaining show.

But now all of that has changed. Like a sickly-sweet gift from on high, Art Bell has been whisked away to make room for our favorite Bible Boy. I hate to see Art leave, wish him the best, yadda yadda...but hell yeah--I can start listening to Ian Punnett in real time again. And frankly, this move was just the shot in the arm that this bored Coast fan needed to turn his radio on again...Full Article.

K-Files - Coast Riders in the Sky

A wave of change has been sweeping across Coast to Coast.

Starting with founder Art Bell's latest retirement, a series of rapid fire events has turned the world of late night paranormal radio on its ass. Coast to Coast Live? Boom! Dead. Now Ian is taking over the normal Saturday night show. Meanwhile, we're getting Noory another day each month. But the most shocking development in the past few days was the surprise announcement that the CoasttoCoastAM.com 'Coast Riders' message board would be closing to make way for a weekly newsletter.

The starting place for my writing career as well a second home of sorts for the past couple years, the death of the Coast Rider board has hit a soft spot in my heart. Like watching your birthplace get demolished, it feels like we've lost a piece of esoteric history.

This one's for you Coast Riders. A special dedication to one special message board...Full Article.

Transformers - Directed by Michael Bay
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language.

A lot of people like to hate on Michael Bay, but I'm not one of them. No matter how many times I watch Armageddon and am generally disappointed with it, there's no denying that he's also the guy that did The Rock...aka, candidate for the top action movie of the 90's.

Therefore, I didn't know what to expect as I sat watching the trailers before Transformers. Would it be a camp-fest of epic proportions? Or instead a camp-fest with redeemably kick ass action?

Potential...squandered.

In Transformers, the Autobots--lead by the noble Optimus Prime--travel to Earth in search of a life-giving cube known as the 'Allspark'. And, of course, the only person who knows where to find it is Disney Channel punk Shia LaBeouf. Throw in some evil Decepticons, a shotgun touting Security of Defense, and a team of grizzled special forces soldiers and you've got one heck of a long movie.

In the opening minutes, in which a Decepticon attacks a military base, I could think only one thing, Man it'd be sweet if Bay did a MechWarrior movie. But unfortunately the Transformer combat in the rest of the movie never seemed to capture the same level of exhilaration for me.

Who'd a thunk epic robot-on-robot fight sequences in crowded city streets could be boring? Yet sure enough.

I think part of my displeasure with the finale fight sequence was the rapid pace at which it was edited, coupled with how similar the Autobots and Decepticons looked. For a while there, I couldn't even tell who was shooting who. Also, unlike the opening sequence, the climax was heavily computer generated, and didn't feature enough fusion with live-action shots.

Also, and this is more of a personal preference on my part, I feel the Decepticons should have played a much larger role in the film. Just as Cobra was better than their GI Joe enemies, Megatron and his crew were always more badass than the Autobots. But for nearly the first half of the movie, the main conflict is Shia trying to get laid. Lame.

Ultimately, Transformers is a Summer blockbuster the likes only Michael Bay can deliver. It's lighthearted, mindless, and, despite being a little too packed with useless filler and way too many characters, is sure to entertain most audiences. It'll probably sell a few toys, too. But if I were to recommend one of the two, I'd pick Live Free or Die Hard as the winner in the action department.

Shouldn't be missed for fans of the cartoon, but just don't expect the next Independence Day.

Rating: 3 / 5

~Khyron, 2007

Review: Live Free or Die Hard - Directed by Len Wiseman
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, language and a brief sexual situation.

Rocky's made a comeback. Indy's making one, too. It seems only natural, I guess, for everyone's favorite 'wrong place at the wrong time' cop to blast his way back onto the big screen.

In this 4th installment of the Die Hard franchise, an aged and depressed John McClane (Bruce Willis) is forced out of his daughter-stalking, retirement-craving slump after a cyber terrorist begins shutting down America over the 4th of July weekend. After saving hacker Matt Farrell (Mac guy Justin Long), the two team up to shoot French mercenaries and put a Ctrl+Alt+Del to the bad guy's plan.

If I were to choose one thing that distinguished the Die Hard movies from other titles in the genre, I'd have to say it's their atmosphere. The combination of an isolationist, one-against-many plot with an often times unorthodox musical score gives the series a unique flavor over other, less interesting action flicks.

With Live Free or Die Hard, however, it lacks that magical formula that made the original a classic. In fact, I'd go so far as to say Live Free was, at times, heartless.

Bruce Willis does a fine enough job in the lead role, however he just doesn't feel like John McClane. He still has a lot of the same little quirks and smart-ass responses, but, for the most part, they felt tacked on in an attempt to make the plot feel more like a Die Hard. As a standalone action film, I think it would have been more successful--as the title puts it into a level with almost unattainable standards set forth by it die-hard (hardy har-har) fanbase.

Also, it's PG-13 rating seemed a poor choice. Not only is it the most tame Die Hard (McClane barely even sheds any blood), the editing to remove foul language was very noticeable. For instance, a scene in which Justin Long goes on a long-winded rant about he's not cut out for all the action probably would have been pretty funny were it not for the fact most of his lines were obviously voiced over to ensure young minds would not be offended. The audio sync was about like Kung-Fu dubbing standards.

Atmosphere aside, Live Free or Die Hard still manages to bring some pretty decent action and a not altogether bad plot. As far as action movies go, it's at least an attempt to emulate the golden era of 80's cinema. Though not a classic like the first, Live Free or Die Hard is, at the very least, enjoyable.

Rating: 3 / 5

~Khyron, 2007

The K-Files - Viral Ufology

With the 60th anniversary of of the Roswell crash approaching this Friday, everyone seems to have UFOs on the brain.

After what was a rather uninteresting drought of decent developments in the field of Ufology, the floodgates have opened just in time to celebrate over half a century of flying saucers and government cover-ups. While investigators like Linda Moulton Howe are busy researching these latest 'drone' sightings, a Roswell deathbed confession has, for many, finally given us proof that we have been visited by extraterrestrial beings.

Personally, I couldn't be more pleased about this recent turn of events. I'd say it's about time Ufology made a comeback in a big way. However, with this increase in notoriety, the shrewd amongst us will be trying to cash in. Is there no such thing as bad publicity? Or are we on our way to seeing Ufology turned into one big advertising gimmick?

I'm afraid we'll be finding out very soon. Full Article.